Referred to as ‘Jodidaran’, polyandry is common in the Hatti community of Himachal Pradesh. People link it to Draupadi of Mahabharata who had the five Pandavas as her husband. Poverty and the bid to prevent land fragmentation is behind the Draupadi Pratha. Here is the story of a thousand Draupadis of Sirmaur, who are wedded to one but end up as wives of several brothers.
Twenty-five years ago, when Sunila Devi reached Jamna village in Himachal Pradesh’s Sirmaur as a bride, her brother-in-law was in school. She used to pack rotis for his lunch. When the brother-in-law grew up, Sunila Devi’s husband asked her to accept him as a husband too.
“One evening, it’s the younger brother’s turn, while it is the elder’s the next,” says Sunila Devi.
Sunila Devi’s story isn’t something rare in the Trans-Giri region of Himachal Pradesh.
Women of the Hatti community get married socially to a male member of a family but then go on to play the wife’s role to other brothers, and mother to their children.
Hattis recently received the status of a Scheduled Tribe and community leaders say the practice of polyandry played a key role in it getting the tag.
There are 154 panchayats in the 1,300-square-km Trans-Giri area, and the Hatti community is present in 147 of them.
Polyandry, referred to as ‘Jodidaran’ custom by the Hattis, is also practised by a few other communities in the lower Himalayas.
Referred to as ‘Draupadi Pratha’, after Draupadi of the Mahabharata who had the five Pandavas as her husbands, polyandry is prevalent in Kinnaur district of Himachal Pradesh and certain areas of neighbouring Uttarakhand.
The communities practising ‘Draupadi Pratha’ link the origins of the tradition to the strong-willed Draupadi, who kept the Pandavas together, and pushed them to join forces and defeat the Kauravas.
Keeping the household together and preventing the fragmentation of small agricultural lands, especially in poorer families, is one of the key reasons why polyandry is still practised in the Hatti community.
It isn’t just a story of tradition, it is a tale of helplessness too.
Amid clear skies and steep green hills, life is tough for the people here.
‘WHEN A SWEATER IS SHARED, A WIFE WILL GET SHARED TOO’
Lack of resources seems to be the primary reason why a woman ends up being the wife to every brother.
When Sunila Devi reached her marital home, poverty was written all over the walls.
“There was just one woollen sweater and one pair of slippers. So, my mother-in-law and I shared them,” she says.
“When a sweater and a pair of slippers were being shared, I obviously had to be shared,” Sunila says matter-of-factly.
Though there is social equality in the Hatti community, the gender divide is clear from the time of birth.
If there is a community meal of mutton-rice organised at the birth of a boy, a girl’s birth is a hushed whisper that dies crashing against the hills.
Sunila, in her early 40s, isn’t coy about ‘Jodidaran Pratha’ and her two husbands. She stares at the camera when asked for a photo. The look on the woman’s face throws a challenge. Ask if you can, and I will answer it all.
When Sunila reached Jamna as a bride 25 years ago, a single-room house sheltered the family. The newly-wed couple partitioned it, hanging a cloth with patches from a rope.
Half-a-meal, half-a-room became Sunila’s life.
After some years, her husband brought up the issue one day. He told her to take his younger brother as a husband too.
“I often stay away from home for work, he will take care of you,” he said.
There was no pressure, the message was subtle and consistent.
“Do it, dear. The family will stay united,” said her mother-in-law.
Then it came from Sunila’s father-in-law. “There’s so much poverty here, if you agree, even he can start a family.”
Sunila gave in. She gave conjugal rights to the man for whom she used to pack rotis for school.
Wasn’t it difficult for her?
“Why should getting into a joint-marriage not bother me? When my brother-in-law went to school, I packed his lunch. Then I had to fulfil his conjugal demands as a wife too. Struggle and sorrow continued together for many days in the beginning,” says Sunila.
Now, she calls the elder brother “bade gharwala (elder husband)” and his younger sibling “chhote gharwala” (younger husband).
She has four children from the two brothers, and the younger brother has adopted the youngest child.
The adoption of children from “joint-marriages” takes place under Wajib-ul-Arz, a document of record of the village, which gives sanctity to the “Jodidaran Prata”.
“The name of the father gets into panchayat records through Wajib-ul-Arz, and that works for all official purposes,” says Kundan Singh Shastri, general secretary of the Central Hatti Committee.
Like Sunila, the children call the elder brother “bade papa” and the younger sibling “chhote papa”.
The Hatti are governed by the Hindu Marriage Act and for official purposes. However, there are provisions in Indian laws to protect the customs and traditions of its many tribes.
Though the person that a woman is wedded to is considered her husband for legal purposes, there is social recognition for all her husbands.
“All three of us sit together for any religious ritual,” says Sunila, adding, “My relatives complain if I go to my parents’ place with any one of the brothers. Both are our damaad (son-in-law), they say.”
ABOUT FULFILLING OTHERS’ AND CONTROLLING OWN DESIRES
Who of the two husbands loves her more?
There is no clear response to that, but the word ‘love’ does light up her eyes, and brings a smile on her face.
“If you mean who takes care of me more, then I would say it’s the younger one. He remembers what I like, takes care when I am unwell. Bada gharwala goes to the city for work, it is the chhota gharwala who stays at home,” says Sunila Devi.
And what about her? Whom does she love more?
“I have never discriminated between the two brothers when it comes to fulfilling my duties,” she makes the question of love one about practicality. “I serve them equal portions of the same food, make the same effort to wash their clothes. Even if there is something deep down in my mind, that never gets reflected in my words or actions towards them,” she adds.
Wasn’t it difficult to fulfil the conjugal desires of two men?
“Yes, it was difficult, but bearing in mind the situation that we are in, there was no other way out. Accepted everything, even the physical hurt,” says Sunila Devi.
She says there was this constant fear if the younger brother brought home another woman, then who would look after all the children.
“Now they understand, and don’t force themselves on me,” she says.
At a short distance away from Sunila Devi’s house in Jamna village of Sirmaur is Meena Devi’s residence.
Meena Devi is married to three brothers and stays with them in a house made of wood with an asbestos roof.
“She was married to me. But I was not educated, and my family was poor. If three brothers married three different women, everything would have had to be split among the three,” says the eldest brother, sitting on the floor of the house, near his two younger siblings.
“We huddled together one day and decided that a joint-marriage would be the best for us, and told her,” he says, signalling at Meena Devi.
Did she give her consent to it?
The answer comes after a long pause and in a much softer tone.
“No, we didn’t consult her. But she didn’t disagree with being in a joint-marriage either.”
Didn’t any issue ever crop up among the three brothers due to the joint-marriage arrangement? What if one of them desired to be with their wife, but it was someone else’s turn?
The brothers say it is all boild down to “understanding” and “self-control”. It never came to fights and, according to them, Meena Devi is also happy.
The youngest sibling says ‘Jodidaran Pratha’ is practical because the woman will continue having a husband and the children a father, even if the worst were to befall any one of the brothers.