Hans de Borst’s hands were shaking as he flipped through the memorial service programme.
His 17-year-old daughter Elsemiek was on board flight MH17, 10 years ago to the day.
Hans was the first family member to arrive in the small amphitheatre at the heart of the MH17 national monument.
“How am I feeling?” Hans repeated my question. “A bit nervous.”
He gestured to the rows of benches where 1,300 relatives and dignitaries from around the world, including Dutch King Willem-Alexander, would soon be seated.
Two hundred and ninety eight people died on 17 July 2014 when the Malaysia Airlines passenger jet en route from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur was hit by a Russian surface-to-air Buk missile, fired from an area of eastern Ukraine seized by Russian proxy forces.
Former Dutch Prime Minister Mark Rutte was among the guests filing past fields of sunflowers on his way to the heart of the monument.
Mr Rutte, who is Nato’s next secretary general, was asked by the BBC if he and his government had done enough to get justice for the victims.
“I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
Two Russians and a Ukrainian national were convicted of murder in absentia by a Dutch court in 2022.
Igor Girkin, Sergei Dubinsky and Leonid Kharchenko all face life sentences but the three remain at large because Russia refused to surrender them to face justice.
The Buk missile system belonged to Russia’s 53rd Anti-Aircraft Missile Brigade, based in Kursk, and the three men were all found guilty of transporting the missile into Ukraine.
The Kremlin has always denied any responsibility for the air disaster, which has left an indelible mark on the collective memory of the Dutch nation.
Mr Rutte noted the difficulties in pursuing justice and said he’d been moved by tributes paid in the run-up to Wednesday’s 10-year anniversary.
A few relatives of those who died exchanged hugs and hushed words with the man who was prime minister at the time of the disaster and stepped down little more than two weeks ago.
“I think he did everything he could,” said Silene Frederiksz, whose son Bryce was on board MH-17.
“And I’m optimistic that Dick Schoof [the new Dutch prime mininister] will keep pushing for justice and accountability. He was involved in the MH17 investigation; he understands.”
A decade on, the families are still searching for the truth, and acknowledgement of responsibility.
“MH17 keeps coming back to haunt me” said Piet Ploeg, whose nephew, brother and sister-in-law were all killed on 17 July 2014.
Of the 298 victims, 196 were Dutch but there were victims from many other countries including 43 from Malaysia, 38 from Australia and 10 from the UK.
Eighty children were among the dead.