Raven van Dorst is the singer and a musician with the Dutch rock-metal band Dool, and a TV personality in the Netherlands. After discovering in their 20s that they had been born intersex, van Dorst is now singing about the theme of identity in Dool’s upcoming album.
For years through childhood and early adulthood, Raven van Dorst felt different. The response evoked in others was always ‘too’: too loud, too wild, too aggressive, too messy.
It wasn’t until a visit to a doctor, aged in their early 20s, that it all fell into place. Having struggled to fit in as a little girl, then a young woman, the medic confirmed van Dorst had been born intersex, with aspects of both male and female sex characteristics, and operated on as a baby. It was something their parents had never spoken about.
“I never felt like a girl,” they say now. “I never felt like a boy either. I didn’t know what to feel, what to think.”
The doctor’s explanation made sense of years of frustration. I got a bit of a malfunctioning in my head, but all of a sudden, a lot became clear. It was kind of a relief… At the same time, I also got very sad. I felt disconnected to my family for a while until I could find the courage and the energy to talk to them about it.”
Now aged 39, van Dorst is a rock musician and presenter, a judge on Drag Race Holland and a well known TV personality in the Netherlands. In 2021, they made the decision to change their name and go by they/ them pronouns. Later this month, their rock-metal band Dool will release third album The Shape Of Fluidity, which tackles the themes of gender and identity in today’s changing world.
While coming to terms with who they are and their past has not been easy, the singer says they want to speak out about their experiences to anyone who might be struggling.
“When I was younger, I didn’t know anything about myself. I thought I was a lesbian, and even that was hard back then. I was desperately trying to find like-minded people and thought they didn’t exist. I was lonely and misunderstood and if I had someone back then who could show me the way, I would [have been] really grateful for that.”
‘They called it normalising’
Following the discovery about their birth, they were told they had been operated on to remove male sex characteristics, at the age of about nine months. “My parents didn’t know what to do with the information,” van Dorst says. “It was in ’84, there was no Google.
“They trusted the doctor, [who] said they had to pick a gender, a biological sex, and ‘adjust’ – mutilate, I feel. They called that ‘normalising’ back in the day, you ‘normalise’ an intersex child and pick a sex, basically. And that’s what they did to me. I got mutilated as a baby.
“My parents were advised never to talk about it with me and everything will be fine, we’ll give the child hormones when they’re reaching puberty, stuff like that. But of course, that didn’t work because I always felt different. And people told me I was different.”
Teachers would say not to behave like a boy. “But I’m not a girl, you know? I felt that it wasn’t me. I lived my whole youth like that.”
Last week, the United Nations Human Rights Council voted to adopt a resolution designed to protect the rights of intersex people, the first initiative of its kind and described as a landmark moment by campaigners.
Intersex is a general term for variation within a person’s sex traits, including genitals or internal sex organs, hormones or chromosomes, and the UN estimates that up to 1.7% of babies are born with some form of intersex characteristics.
Many intersex adults exposed to such surgery as children can suffer significant physical and mental suffering, the UN says, including as a result of extensive and painful scarring. Like van Dorst, many also feel they have been forced into sex and gender categories that do not fit.
For van Dorst, it was changing their name and pronouns that made them feel truly liberated. “I felt like I was living the lie the doctors forced me in. They put me in this female straitjacket from which I have been trying to get out of… It took me another couple of years to realise that if I’m not changing my name or changing my pronouns, nothing’s going to change.”
Van Dorst changed details on their passport and on the birth papers that claimed they were born a girl. “Reclaiming my birthright, basically. They tried to erase me from f****** history, erase my nature from history. It’s not right.”
