Oversharing. Trauma-dumping. Floodlighting. It’s all the same—at least to me. But apparently, some of these behaviors might be driven by harmful intentions.
In the media, we constantly hear new buzzwords labeling “toxic” patterns that oftentimes just point to us being, well, humans. However, whether consciously or not, these actions can be manipulative in nature.
“Floodlighting,” in particular, is a recent example of this, which is gaining traction online.
According to Brené Brown, author of The Power of Vulnerability: Teachings of Authenticity, Connections and Courage, floodlight occurs when we share too much information about ourselves and our lives in an attempt to protect ourselves from real vulnerability.
“Oversharing? Not vulnerability,” she said. “I call it floodlighting.”
Is Floodlighting Dangerous?
However, a dating app expert shared the darker side of this behavior.
“Floodlighting in dating is about using vulnerability as a high-intensity spotlight,” Jessica Alderson, co-founder of the dating app So Synced, told Glamour. “It involves sharing a lot of personal details all at once — to test the waters, speed up intimacy, or see if the other person can ‘handle’ these parts of you.”
On one hand, I view this as some sort of reassurance-seeking compulsion rather than an intentionally manipulative tactic. On the other hand, I can see some people using it as a way to force or rush intimacy with another person.
According to Alderson, some signs of floodlighting include quick and early disclosure of detailed personal information, an unbalanced exchange of said information, a fast and intense emotional connection, and a close analysis of reactions to shared information.
For example, say you meet someone from a dating app and grab drinks a few days after connecting. On the date, you begin to talk about your childhood, sharing details about your parents’ divorce and other traumas. You then drain on about how this impacts you today, e.g. makes you doubt love and loyalty, causes insecurities in dating, etc. All the while, you’re closely reading the other person’s reactions to determine whether they can “handle” you, testing their boundaries and how much they’re willing to accept.
Source : https://www.vice.com/en/article/floodlighting-is-the-new-toxic-dating-trend/